Q&A with Kelly J. Aalseth “Living with Fibromyalgia has been a way for God to constantly remind me that he is my place of safety”

Kelly J. Aalseth recently published her first book! Congratulations Kelly! You can find her book “Keeper of Your Life: Actively Trusting Jesus Through Chronic Pain” on Amazon. This book focuses less on the medical side of chronic pain, and more on how to practically turn to Jesus in the midst of longsuffering.

She also runs the blog Behind Pained Faces about life and faith with fibromyalgia. I’ve been enjoying reading her insights, especially in this blog post: “On annoyingly happy people, jealousy, and real joy.”

I hope you’re encouraged by this conversation with Kelly on chronic illness, faith, and perseverance.

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Interview with Kelly J. Aalseth from Santa Ana, California, age 33
On fibromyalgia, trusting God with uncertainty, and building a supportive community

Cassie: What is something you love or something God has given you a passion for?

Kelly: I love college students! I work with InterVarsity as a missionary to college students, in Greater Los Angeles. I love seeing students meet Jesus for the first time and then become movement leaders themselves. I like helping staff and students connect the dots between what God is doing in their personal lives and what he is doing in the mission. I also love writing and playing board games and spending time with my husband and friends.

Cassie: Please briefly share the names of your chronic illnesses along with a brief description.

Kelly: I have had Fibromyalgia for eight years now. I have also had similar conditions, such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), burning mouth syndrome (BMS), temporomandibular joint disorder (TMJ), neuropathy in my feet, and anxiety and depression on occasion.

Essentially, every muscle in my body can hurt, on a constant but often alternating basis. 

Cassie: What is one of the most difficult challenges you’ve experienced due to your illnesses? How has that challenge shaped you? 

Kelly: My biggest challenge is learning how to fight the fear of the unknown. I like to have a feeling of control in my life, and when you have no idea when the next flare will come or how bad it will be, it can be disheartening. I also have had to fight the feeling that it’s all on me to get it right: “If I just eat perfectly, do my exercises, find the right doctors, then I will be well. And if I am hurting, surely I must have done something wrong.” Of course I know objectively that these are lies, and that Fibromyalgia is still largely a mystery in the scientific world, but it is still tempting to believe it’s my fault.

But living with Fibromyalgia has been a way for God to constantly remind me that he is my place of safety, that I can trust Jesus with my unknown future, and that I can daily rely on his grace. 

Cassie: What is something you would like people to better understand about your illnesses?

Kelly: We aren’t making it up or being dramatic. Your validation and persevering presence goes a long way!

Cassie: Tell me about a time when someone came through for you when you were going through your health struggles.

Kelly: One day I had a particularly bad flare of pain in my mouth and feet and I called up a friend and before I could even say a word, she said, “I’m coming” and drove an hour to come be with me. My husband got off work early and helped distract me with laughter. My neighbor went to buy me some medicine and food from the store. My sister helped me know how to cancel my work meetings. My mom’s church group of people in their 70s stopped and prayed for me. I have an amazing community!

But this kind of community doesn’t just happen. I’ve learned a lot over the years about how to “build a team” of support such that your friends are able to use their unique gifts to support you in helpful ways. This is the subject of the entire first chapter of my book that I recently published. The chapter is called, “The Art of Asking for Help.” 

Cassie: What advice or encouragement would you offer to someone going through chronic illnesses?

Kelly: It’s not your fault. But you also don’t have to just sit in defeat. There are so many great resources and tools out there to help manage the pain. Jesus wants to give you the courage to keep pursuing health and wholeness. And he wants to give you a community that can carry you when you don’t have the strength to keep hoping.

Cassie: What is something God is teaching you recently?

Kelly: Sometimes I feel like I am going backwards. I think I am healed of the pain in my mouth, and then the pain comes back so strongly. Or I think I am healed of the burning in my feet and then randomly they burn again. I think I am doing better with not giving into fear and paranoia and then I have days where the anxiety is so high. But Jesus is teaching me that life with him is more like a cinnamon roll. You feel like you keep coming back to the same pains over and over again, but really each time you are a little closer to Jesus. 

Jesus constantly reminds me to not beat myself up when I feel like I am going backwards, and to remember that the more I recognize my powerlessness, the more I am actually able to be embraced in the loving arms of God.

Cassie: What is something you are most thankful for right now?

Kelly: I am thankful that I have had a couple weeks of relief where pain hasn’t been at the front of my mind! I am thankful for my husband and friends who constantly remind me that God is kind and loves me. I’m thankful for the hope of eternity, not in a morbid sort of way, but that a good life is not defined by simply being pain-free, but a good life is one that prepares us for eternity with God.

Cassie: Are there any resources you can recommend that encourage you through your chronic illnesses?

Kelly: I wrote a book! It’s called “Keeper of Your Life: Actively Trusting Jesus Through Chronic Pain.” There are practicals about how to pray, lament, build a support team, negate lies, reflect and wait. It is my compilation of lessons I have learned through Fibromyalgia but also through a decade of ministry to college students.

Additionally, I am a huge fan of physical therapy. I consider my physical therapist to be my primary care doctor these days and am so grateful for how much the PT team has helped me.

Cassie: I’m a bookworm and I have to ask: Read any good books lately?

Kelly: I put a list of book recommendations at the end of my book.

Cassie: What is something else you would like people to know about you?

Kelly: I met my husband when I was 30. He’s the best! Mike and I met on eharmony. I had been on 45 dates with people I met online before meeting him. I was his first. Ha! I was 30 and he was 34. 🙂 He found a video of me online sharing my testimony at church about my trust in Jesus in the midst of chronic pain, and that was one of the things that attracted him to me. I quickly fell in love with his empathetic heart and love for poetry.

I love to preach! Invite me to your church or ministry and I would love to share my heart and book with your community. I love preaching out of any text in the Bible. But I also have a lot of experience speaking about God’s heart for those on the margins, racial justice, evangelism, and of course, the topics in my book which include waiting through long suffering, finding hope, building a community and fighting the critical voices in our heads.

BONUS QUESTION

Cassie: Any advice/words of wisdom for writers (especially people with chronic illness) working on their first book?

Kelly: Someone encouraged me to try to write 3 pages a day. Sometimes I would write more than that, but within a month and a half I found myself with a book! Also, I have a picture of the Trinity on my wall. Every time I sat down to write, I would imagine myself with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I would ask the Trinity what to write about and we would debrief it together when I was finished. It made the process less lonely and grew my confidence that I had authority to draw from.

(For more about what she learned writing her book, check out this post.)

Thank you Kelly!

Let us know what you enjoyed about this interview and what you learned in the comments!

Read more Invisible Illness, Visible Worth interviews here.

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Opinions and views are those of the interviewee. This blog post is meant for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice.

 

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