May 2019 Musings – Regrouping, Investigating, Boosting, Setting & Reviving

I’m excited to participate in A Chronic Voice’s link up for the first time! Link up parties are a fun way for bloggers to connect and write about similar themes, and this one is geared towards those of us in the chronic illness community. I’ve never had a chance to participate in one before, so I’ve been eager to give it a try. Let me know what you think of this style of post in the comments.

The themes for this month are Regrouping, Investigating, Boosting, Setting and Reviving.

It was a nice change to have guidelines “assigned” for writing a blog post. (I think Andy Warhol was onto something about having a “boss on retainer.” Having the framework for a post given to me felt a little more structured—like having a boss vs. winging it on my own.)

So, using A Chronic Voice’s five writing prompts for this month as a jumping off point, here’s what has been going on with me lately.

Regrouping

As I mentioned in my last post, it was time for me to take a break from my blog for a couple weeks. It’s helped in my life as well as my writing. I feel like I’ve had more head space to tackle the day to day.

Funny enough, I haven’t stopped writing blog posts while “taking a break” to regroup.

Instead of writing because I have to, I’m writing because I want to. It’s taken the pressure off. Instead of thinking “I have to get this on the blog by such-and-such date, so I need to get it right” I think “This may end up on the blog, it may not. I’ll write it and see what comes of it.”

It’s also given me some time to pause and be more strategic about my blogging.

When I’ve gotten an idea, instead of worrying about getting content out on time, I can think—is this something I should write just for me? Is it a blog post? Would this even be something I could pitch as a freelance article? I’ll let you know how that goes if (and when!) I branch out into freelance.

Investigating

Oof, I feel like I’ve done a lot of this lately. I’ve been having worsening fatigue lately (which kind of floors me—how is it possible to feel more tired when I can barely function as it is?!) I’ve also had new symptoms crop up, seemingly for no reason.

My pain is flared up (probably part to the weather being gloriously warm, and then going back to cool, and back, and forth…). My skin has turned grayish on three separate days, which is not a good thing. (Yep, we’re monitoring my heart rate and I’ve talked to my doctors. It goes away on its on, so right now we’re just keeping an eye on it. The last time this happened was about a year ago, and it seemed to resolve itself.)  And my lips have been painfully peeling off and on for the last few months. It’d be funny when people compliment my “new lipstick” if I didn’t feel like my skin was burning!

I’ve had three major doctor appointments this month. (I almost passed out twice at one of them, but unfortunately it was at my endocrinologist, so that’s not what she treats me for…If my body could be a little more strategic with these symptoms so my treating doctor could see them in action, that would be at least potentially helpful!) I’ve also gotten some different tests done, researching what to do about my (too low) cholesterol, and looking up the new meds and supplements my doctors think could help. Where do we go from here? How do we get me at least partially functional? The investigation continues…

Boosting

I’ve needed to do some boosting for my immune system lately. It’s been a process to find a product that doesn’t contain anything I’m allergic to. I’ve been wanting to do a detox for about two months, but was held up when one company wouldn’t even tell my doctor what ingredients were included under one umbrella term on the packaging, so I had to start back over in researching products.

I started detoxing very slowly, and unfortunately have had to pause. I’ll have to start more slowly, breaking down the pills I’m taking into smaller quantities. My body has been freaking out, as I mentioned above, and my doctor thinks it in may in part have to do with my body being overwhelmed with trying to detox. It sure has zapped my energy, which I was expecting, but it doesn’t make sense for me to deal with such extreme symptoms. Slow and steady, and some crumminess, I can handle. I’m hopeful that I can strike a balance and start to boost my energy once the detox is over.

Also, if you’re like me and leery when you hear the word “detox” (I immediately thought of fad diets and eating nothing but celery juice for days), here is some research I’ve collected that helped me understand the point and science behind detoxing. For me, it makes sense after learning from my doctors that the body’s natural detoxing channels don’t work as well in chronic illnesses such as fibromyalgia. (As always, talk to a health provider before starting anything like a detox. Clearly, it can come with side effects and need a lot of modifying, especially in those of us who are chronically ill.

Setting

I like this word to describe what I’ve been doing with my expectations: setting different ones. Not lowering expectations, just tempering the ones I have with some realism. I don’t think we should feel like we’re “lowering” anything when we’re dealing with the ups and downs of chronic illness. Sometimes adjustments are just needed, and that’s not a backwards step, it’s a proactive step.

I’ve needed to evaluate my expectations in regard to blogging, and realize that needing to skip a week (or two, or three) when I need to is totally realistic.

I also have needed to set different expectations for my body while I detox, while I’m dealing with new symptoms, and when I’m just exhausted. I haven’t made very many plans this month knowing my body has had more trouble than “normal” handling that kind of exertion.

On the other hand, I’ve been setting the goal to be outside more often now that summer—I mean, May— has arrived. We’re getting weather in the 70’s and 80’s, which is like full blown summer in the Pacific Northwest. I’ve been sitting outside to read, and challenging myself to walk around more. This is probably partially contributing to the worsening to fatigue, but sunshine is one of the things I’m not willing to give up. Plus, free Vitamin D!

Reviving

I love this word. I think it does a great job of summing up one of my goals in taking a blogging break. I’ve wanted to revive some of my other creative outlets.

My main goal was to focus more on my fiction writing, which I have done some of, but not as much as I was expecting. (Different expectations, remember!) But even just getting a taste for more creative writing has been a good reminder of how much I love this. It’s definitely spurred me on to make creative writing more of a priority. I’ll be working on finding that balance.

I’ve also been able to revive another form of creativity I love—scrapbooking! I have all my pictures printed from 2015 but had not gotten around to getting them in albums. Likewise, I have my scrapbook items from 2015 in order by month, but haven’t gotten them into books. It’s felt good to play around with fun paper and make progress on this project.

Can you relate to what I’ve been up to this month? What do this month’s writing prompts bring to mind going on in your life? Let me know your favorite prompt in the comments!

Note: This blog post is meant for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. I am not a health care provider, and what I share is based on my personal experiences.  Always talk to your doctor when making changes to your treatment or before trying something new.