Mid-Year Reflections In A Year Of Pandemic: June Linkup

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I joined A Chronic Voice’s linkup for the first time! I’ve been meaning to join this way for chronic illness bloggers to connect since, but life intervened (aka symptoms have severely limited my writing time). This month, I was thrilled that not only did I have the mental bandwidth to participate, but also that the prompts aligned with several things bouncing around in my head. Chronic illness in a pandemic presents its own unique challenges. (PS here’s my last linkup post.)

 I hope you all are doing as well as you can be. Those of you who love the sunshine, I hope that you are also enjoying the warmer days. I love that the weather will be warmer (in upper 60s or 70s) for about three days, and then rainy for two days—this gives me a good dose of vitamin D when I can sit and walk a little outside.

The rain gives me a break from feeling like I *have* to get outside; we call that pressure to soak up as much warmth as we can “sun guilt” in the Pacific Northwest. The cottonwood trees had the air filled with tufts of white that looked like slow-drifting snow up until recently. Everything is blooming early, including my beauty bush, which is covered in bees and hummingbirds. (Ok, I’ve seen THREE hummers at once, so not exactly “covered!”)

In the world beyond my yard, things are moving ahead as Washington counties move into Phase 2 of coming out of quarantine/social distancing. (My county was added to the list June 5.) High risk populations are to “Stay Home, Stay Healthy” through Phase 3. I’ll talk more about this below.

Let’s dive in. The themes for this month are Searching, Hoping, Honoring, Traumatizing, and Responding.

Chronic Illness in a Pandemic: Looking Back and Looking Ahead Mid-Year

Searching

What have I been searching for lately? Answers, and some things I really need.

Although I’m looking forward to the end of quarantine like everyone else, I want to make sure I’m taking my health risks into consideration and being safe about it. I’ll keep searching for the most up-to-date information, and will be in touch with my primary care provider about his recommendations for me specifically.

I’ve also been searching online for some things that have been harder to get. (Thankfully, I’ve been very fortunate and been able to get essentials like food and medicine, which I know hasn’t been easy for some, especially in the chronic illness community.)

I’ve needed bloodwork to monitor my thyroid levels due to my thyroid cancer and thyroidectomy in 2016. In May, I wanted to see if there was an alternative to going to the hospital to have my blood drawn, and after some searching and a call to my doctor, found a pharmacy with an at-home test. This alternative was what I felt was best for me—I’m not telling anyone that they shouldn’t get needed testing. I share this to point out the reality that we in the chronic illness community are having to think about and weigh risks when it comes to healthcare.

I’ve also needed new eyeglasses for some time (mine are blurry from the anti-reflective coating wearing off after many years). Though I prefer contacts, I’ve had to wear my glasses most of the time the last several years due to dry eyes and eye pain caused by dysautonomia (it took me awhile to learn these are more symptoms of my neurological disorder). It’s hard to find new glasses that fit comfortably so they won’t aggravate my fibromyalgia pain, headaches, or migraines. After failing to find any at my eye doctor, I went to a store to try on glasses, but almost passed out! This ill-fated search was cut short by coronavirus. After searching online, I found a pair like the ones I have now—they’ve taken three weeks to ship, will need another week to get lenses, and after all that, you bet I will be thankful for those new glasses!

Hoping

Since it’s halfway through the year, I like to review the goals I’ve been hoping to accomplish in 2020.

Professional Goals—I’ve sent goals for my blogging and writing, and so far, I’ve been doing really well on my blogging goals! I rebranded my blog and wrote about the name Starlight Through The Storm here. My creative writing has been more on the backburner, so I’m hoping to do more with that the rest of the year. The beautiful thing about checking in mid-year is—there’s still plenty of time to make changes so I can accomplish more goals.

Personal Goals—Unfortunately most of my personal goals were about working towards getting out more with friends! Again, I’m reminding myself there’s more of the year to come. I’ve also started slowly doing some more organizing. I am also hoping to have more energy to craft and scrapbook. I haven’t printed pictures since 2016! One step at a time…

Reading Goals—I shared my reading goals at the beginning of 2020, and so far I’ve finished three of the seven books I hoped to read! I’m still looking for good collections of short stories. Recommendations?

Honoring

I’m so excited to share that I have more Invisible Illness, Visible Worth Interviews lined up! It’s an honor to help share others’ stories, and it makes me feel like I can make a difference by raising awareness. I think it’s important to recognize that listening to each other’s stories is a very important way of honoring the chronic illness community. You can read the interviews here.

Traumatizing

At first, I was kind of tempted to skip this prompt, to be honest! But I think it’s important to talk about two things that most impacted me as traumatizing in relation to coronavirus and quarantine. Hopefully my sharing will help more people to see that social distancing/quarantine has affected people with chronic illness in more ways than they may realize.

First, I had to stop or limit my pain treatment and pain management. I really debated if this “counts” as traumatizing, but when you’re crying because you’re stressed wondering when its safe to resume treatment and crying from increased pain because you know it’s preventable, I think that qualifies! I limited how often I was going to my chiropractor, especially out of precaution considering patients and even staff haven’t been wearing masks. (My chiropractor has been wearing a mask.) My massage therapist was closed until the office was able to apply to be designated an essential business. My pain and stiffness has been flared up and my body has been slow to respond to resuming treatment.

Second, being unable to leave the house took me right back to when I first became really ill. It felt like I’d lost the little progress I’d made to being able to see friends at least some of the time. In many ways, I felt like I was grieving what chronic illness has taken from me all over again. Processing this while also trying to process a pandemic has been, to understate it, a lot. Plus, staying several feet from people is uncomfortably like after I had radioactive iodine treatment after my thyroidectomy due to cancer (different from radiation.)

There has been discussion that we need to end quarantine right away (even when it first started, and now some want to end quarantine without phasing out or other precautions) ) because of people’s mental health—and yes, discussing and treating mental health during a time like this is vital! But people have been talking about mental health almost as if people with chronic health conditions and people with mental health conditions are mutually exclusive, and almost as if the mental health of chronically ill people is of less importance than the mental health of “everyone else.” Please know this time has unique challenges for us.

Responding

I think the fact that I wanted to skip the last prompt is telling. It made me realize that I need to be taking the time to check in and see how I’m responding to all that’s going on. I ended up writing a lot that didn’t end up in this blog post, just to work through it.

I think we’re all going to be tempted to try to move on quickly, almost as if COVID-19 didn’t happen. We’ve all been through a lot, and I think we need the reminder to keep reflecting on how that’s impacting our current emotional, mental, and spiritual health. When the urge comes up (and I think it’s going to be increased by societal pressure) to push down what we’ve been through, the healthier choice will be to acknowledge the impact and have grace with myself and others as we take the time to work through it.

Here are some of the resources about coronavirus and trauma I’ve found helpful lately:

• A Trauma Survivor’s Reminders to Encourage Healing During COVID-19—The Mighty
• Ransomed Heart team videos, especially this podcast on social upheaval, including a very helpful prayer. “As the world continues to be shaken, it’s essential we keep our eyes on Jesus.”
• COVID 19 and the Vineyard—Francine Rivers 

I also want to recognize that as a country, we in the United States are responding to racial injustice. I’m responding personally by praying, by grieving, by listening, by reading what others are sharing, by seeking to love better with my words as well as actions. I’m adding this point briefly at the end not because it’s less important (quite the contrary), but because there are other voices that need to be heard. So while I’m grateful that you read to the end of this post, I would like to encourage you to leave my blog and spend some time reading or listening to people of color—maybe church leaders or other black leaders—as they share their stories and ideas and thoughts on what would make the world a better place for everyone, despite skin color. Let’s respond to racial injustice by honoring one another and listening. I’m committing to talk/write more about racial injustice in the future.

If I may make a recommendation, illustrator Danielle Coke shares a Biblical perspective in this video: Upward: The Sin of Silence and God’s Heart for Justice.

Thank you again for reading. Before you go, I’d love to hear what you thought of the direction I took these prompts.

Did you relate to what I shared? Did you find a point surprising or encouraging?
How are you doing mid-year during the pandemic?

You may also like:
How To Stay Connected From A Distance
Empty Calendar While Stuck At Home? Record The Good Things!
How “Choosing” Helps on Bad Days + Free Printables

Note: This blog post is meant for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. I am not a health care provider, and what I share is based on my personal experiences.  Always talk to your doctor when making changes to your treatment or before trying something new.

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